There has always been a perplexity of what we feel and what we believe as believers in Christ. If you have spent any length of time in church you may know or have heard that we do not live life based on emotions and what we are feeling. I'm sure you have heard the phrase "faith over feelings." For it is our faith that pleases God. If life was lived based on how a person feels, people would always be on an emotional rollercoaster. Always up and down based on what we are going through. I agree it can be a dangerous place to dwell. But what's even more dangerous, is getting to a place of not wanting or not knowing how to feel or express emotions at all because you thought God doesn't care. For years, society as well the church influenced many to suppress or ignore feelings because they were often labeled as "bad."
"Faith is not about suppressing our emotions, but about surrendering them to the One who holds the universe in His hands." - Unknown
So I found myself hiding. I remember hiding from God or at least that’s what I was trying to accomplish. When it came to my feelings and emotions, I did not believe that God wanted to have anything to do with it. It may have been because of my upbringing and church. I am a church girl through and through! I absolutely love church and what it stands for, but when it came to emotional and mental wellness, I can’t say the church helped me understand that God wasn’t upset with me about what I was feeling. I didn’t feel as though God cared about the internal struggle I faced. And boy, was there a struggle. For so long, I was ashamed of my feelings and emotions. Honestly, growing up all I heard in church was negative things when it came to dealing with my emotions. Things like you shouldn’t have the audacity to feel like that after all God had done for you, what problems could you possibly have that makes you feel powerless or useless, etc.… Statements like have always made me wonder. Would we ever tell someone who has had a heart attack, “How dare you have a heart attack after Christ has died for you to be healed?’ Nope! It just doesn’t make sense at all. I’ve thought again and again of how we beg those who are sick physically to come to the altar for healing and to see a doctor but shun those who are mentally and emotionally unhealthy.”
When it comes to mental health, emotions, and feeling in the church there had been no grace in the past. Sometimes, the church could make you feel like you can’t go to God because of your feelings and feelings are often taught against in the household of faith. When the truth is we are made with feelings, but we cannot be led by them. Feelings are good indicators but not good dictators. They let us know when something is off or when something is going extremely well. However, they should not control us. So faith isn't about suppressing what we feel, but more so surrendering them to the One who hold the world in His hands.
This was a struggle that many did not choose to take on. I know I did not. I can vividly recall leaving a service where I felt bad. Not because something was said directly to me but because of the way people were expressing their grievances about people who suffered with low self-esteem, depression, and suicidal thoughts. Because at one point in my life, I was struggling bad with this. All I could think about was I didn’t want to battle with these things. I did not sign up for these things to come in my life but because of some of the things that I experienced in the past, these were a product of that.
So, I began to feel like God didn’t want or couldn’t handle me authentically. I felt like an imposter…a fraud…a phony. Bringing God this façade. This crafted, put together version of myself. When honestly, I was exhausted and felt broken. God can handle it all…the good, the bad, the ugly, and my feelings. God can handle me in my raw state. Nothing is too hard for Him. So, I had to learn to rest in the fact that He cares, like reallyyyyyyyy cares. Plus, the Word of God tell us that. Cast all your cares on God for He cares for you.
I had to understand that emotions itself are not bad or negative. It’s how I allow those emotions and feelings to be expressed that makes it have a positive or negative impact on me. God created me and my emotions. He created me with emotions and feelings. But it is on me to steward my emotions well and not allow them to run all over me. I can’t allow them to cause me to be all over the place. The Bible also tells us what to think on and to have the mind of Christ so that we may be rooted and not always tossed by what we are going through..
The Bible is filled with people with big emotions, but God was with them. I am reminded of the emotions that David expressed throughout the book of Psalms. The ups and downs of his life. Jonah was so upset with God that he wanted die. Elijah felt scared, alone, isolated, exhausted, useless, and hopeless after Jezebel was on his trail. Wow, what big emotions these people of faith in the bible, that so many of us look up to, experienced. But God was still present in their journey of transformation. God still used them mightily. He didn’t wait until they were completely whole to be glorified in their lives. As hard as our personal journeys can be, I believe His presence gave them hope. Hope in the midst of dark situations. Hope in the midst of fear. Hope in defeat. Hope in depression and anguish. That’s the God we serve. The God who is with us in the not so good moments. He doesn’t leave us. He doesn’t rush us. He is there with us in the messes of life. That’s why I love Him so much! He was there in the thick of it with me. Not rushing me to get it together before coming to my rescue or before he decided to use me.
"Faith is the anchor that keeps us rooted when our feelings and emotions threaten to overwhelm us." -Ashley Duffy
But in my growth and finding solace with God for myself, I came across a scripture from Hebrews that says, for we do not have a High Priest who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a shared feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning.” Hebrews 4:15
As I was learning, I became more aware that Jesus, too, had feelings. He dealt with a lot. As Christ is our model of how we are to deal with life and all that comes along with it, He was not led by what he felt. Jesus was in deep anguish going to the cross. He felt sorrow. He was acquainted with grief. On top of that, the man wept! How much does one go through before they weep. But He felt joy as well. He had compassion. When he was upset in the temple, he flipped tables! If Jesus embodied all these emotions, how could they be so bad?! How could we go so hard against emotions and feelings. There must be balance in our teachings.
"The depth of our faith is revealed not in the absence of emotion, but in our ability to trust God even when our emotions are in turmoil." - Unknown
Over the years, I’ve learned that God can handle me and all that comes along with me. I do not have to hide my feelings from Him or act like they don’t exist when I go to Him. He’s God. He knows already. I am His child, and I can go to Him about anything. He is my Father. What good Father does not want their child to run to them when there is a problem?! God knows my inward parts. He made me. He knows my hidden issues. He knew the parts of me that I am afraid to show the world. In my weakness, God is strong. In the frailty of my emotions, God is my strength. It's not too much for him. He can handle it all. And in those parts are where He met me in my most vulnerable state. He sees me in His presence. That’s the place where we know Him as El Roi, the God who sees me. Imperfections and all.
In some instances, I had to go back and learn who God is and who He is to me. I knew church-ism. I knew scriptures. But I was really lacking in my own personal relationship with the Father. Because some of the people I highly respected had a difference of opinion and viewpoint than I did when it came to emotions, I felt this was the same way God must feel about me. I’m not saying they are wrong for believing as they did, it was just different for me. I understand there are different levels to things. There can be a spiritual side to things as well as a natural side and it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. And for so long the church was stuck in that mindset of all or nothing. There was no in between for religion and mental health.
But I can say the church has made some progress with acknowledging the importance of mental health. If someone isn’t healed emotionally that will spill over into their spiritual life as well. 3 John 1:2 says, “Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. Our souls must prosper in order for everything else to flourish in our lives. Our minds and emotions are a part of our soul.
Give Yourself Permission
After relearning some things, through my reading of books, speaking to wise counselors/therapist, and going through scriptures, I finally am learning to give myself permission to feel. I feel like I needed permission to feel so I could release what I was carrying and truly heal. I needed direction that after hands were laid on me and I left the altar. I needed an outlet and I needed help with becoming disciplined in my thought life. But for a while, I was simply afraid to feel. My feelings were always deep. Things weren’t just surface level with me. I feel everything so deeply. At times, it feels like a blessing and curse. So, because I have felt a lot of negative things, I refused to deal with anything that will reminded me of sadness. So, things that needed to be dealt with, I buried because I didn’t want to feel it even when it needed to be addressed. You see on this journey of Christian living, I am learning that the acknowledgment of a feeling or emotion other than joy, happiness, or peace does not mean I am giving it more power over me. The acknowledgment of emotions does not mean I am denying the power Christ has given me. I really had to learn that denial of what I was feeling emotionally and mentally did not make the problems go away. It just led to years of being in denial simply put and pushed me further away from sustained healing. I didn’t think I had permission to show vulnerability. Therefore, I carried around within me agony deep in my soul pain, rejection, hurt, anger, and disappointment. But now not in a depressive way or with any sadness, I am trying to welcome the release of those tears (it’s still a process) because God truly cares about me. I now know I can roll those cares onto Him. That those are no longer words I read in scripture. It has come alive within me. He truly cares. And it’s not too much for God. I’m not too much for God. If anything, the tears are there for the years I spent avoiding a loving God who wanted all of me, not just the pieces I thought were good enough. Whew…. 🥹🙌🏾
"The beauty of faith is that it transforms our emotions from burdens to blessings. Leading us from despair to hope, and from fear to trust."
Take aways:
1. God is not upset with you. God can handle you. He cares and He wants you to come to Him.
2. Emotions and feelings can co-exist with faith in a healthy manner. Emotions are a part of the human experience. We were made with them. Jesus had them, too!
3. Avoidance and denial of emotions are not walking by faith. You can feel an emotion and not give it power to overtake you. Acknowledge and identify it so that it can come to the surface instead of being suppressed in the body. Then take the necessary steps to deal with it. Unresolved emotions always seep out.
4. Faith says even when I feel this way, I believe God’s word concerning this situation. Faith believes even in the midst of what seems or feels the opposite of what you are believing God for.
5. Be patient with yourself. People have no clue what you go through.
If you are looking for a resource to help deal with emotions while on your Christian journey, Dr. Anita Phillips wrote a book that is helpful, “The Garden Within.” The Bible is also a good resource. There are scriptures on guarding your heart, what thoughts to dwell on, scriptures telling you to come to Jesus, and hide in Him. I have a book of prayers, The Prayer Book, which includes a few prayers that cover different emotions and feelings . 🫶🏾
With love,
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